 |
| R is wearing a hat that has 'parental advisory' written on it. I feel it is important to point this out. |
Let's just get on with this.
(PYD, PYD, PYD, PYD, PYD, PYD, PYD)
I'mma put you down
(PYD, PYD, PYD)
Down (PYD, PYD, PYD)
I'mma put you down (PYD, PYD, PYD)
All the way down (whoa)
And we're off the starting line and bumbling straight into the first obstacle like a Sumo running the 110m hurdles. We have a problem so vast that we can almost completely ignore the ludicrous premise that Justin and R think that 'PYD' is a useful, perhaps even sensual, abbreviation. There are no sensual abbreviations. In fact, I would go so far as to say that abbreviations are antithetical to the whole notion of sensuality. This doesn't matter, though, because the discovery of what PYD actually stands for far overshadows the act of abbreviating it.
PYD stands for 'put you down'. However, rather than this being a paean to verbal abuse, it is in fact a song about physically putting someone down. As in, you pick them up off the floor, and then you put them down again.
In a sexy way.
A number of questions immediately jump out. Do they know that 'put you down' has the well established meaning of 'insult you'? If so, why did they still go through with this song? Why did no one stop them? I thought maybe they were young and had never heard the phrase used before, but R Kelly is 48 years old. There is no way that both of them, and all the people involved in the production and promotion of this song, did not know, so that means it must be deliberate. Is this working on a level that I am completely missing? Is it a strange effort at Doublespeak?
Why have they used 'put you down' when the perfectly serviceable 'lay you down' exists? Is it because LYD does not work as well as PYD? But PYD is just as clumsy and awkward. Is the 'all the way down' line meant to be an innuendo? Maybe it is an elaborate prank. They promise this girl that they will sexily put her down, they head back to her place, and R and Justin will jump up and call her stupid and smelly before fleeing the room.
I've just realised that 'put down' is also a euphemism for pet euthanasia. Are... are they pretending to be vets? Are they getting tingling feelings while they administer a lethal injection to Mr Tibbles? Just what in the hell are they doing?
Maybe the rest of the song will help us understand.
[Justin Bieber:]
From the door to the wall
Coffee table, girl, get ready
I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down (PYD PYD PYD)
Or maybe not. The coffee table? Either Justin has a superfluously large and sturdy coffee table (some may call this a 'table') or he is offering to gently lower her onto a small, hard, possibly glass, surface that sits directly in front of his sofa.
From the stove to the counter top
Dining room table, are you ready?
I'mma put you down
(PYD PYD PYD, PYD PYD PYD)
The stove? He wants to put her down on a stove? And then a counter top, and then the dining room table? Is it me, or is this rather reminiscent of the path a hot dinner might take? Is this a song about dismemberment and cannibalism? Oh God, is he leaving parts of her all around his house?
Up the stairs to my bedroom,
Light a few candles, prepare yourself
I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down (PYD PYD PYD)
Okay, okay, she can still 'prepare herself', so she isn't in pieces. Justin is just carrying her around the house and placing her on various appliances and bits of furniture. As amusing as I find this image, it does not compare to the picture of Justin laying (sorry, putting) his lady love down on the bed, lighting some candles, then standing at the end of the bed and saying 'prepare yourself'.
On a plane, a train, an automobile doesn't matter
I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down (PYD PYD PYD)
Oh, he's moved on to vehicles now. Keeping with the tone, Justin has eschewed mentioning any luxurious brand of car, and even the word 'car', in favour of using the staid and reliable 'automobile'.
[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
And it don't make no sense to be that bad
I'm a take it down on you, babe (PYD PYD PYD)
Put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
My shaky grasp of the current lingo (damn kids and their music grumble grumble) suggests to me that 'don't make no sense to be that bad' is simply a way of saying she is bamboozlingly sexy, but I refuse to believe that 'taking it down' on someone is anything other than a vague threat.
This will show you how much I love you
Form of appreciation
I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD)
And again, I can't imagine anyone saying 'this will show you how much I love you' without it being a threat. It is the sort of thing someone says while carving your name into their cheek with a pair of scissors. Yes, Justin, I guess your impromptu tattoo is a form of appreciation.
Oh, 'cause you deserve the best
And nothing but the best
So I give you the best you've ever had
I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD PYD)
I'mma put you down
Note the subtle switching of meaning. 'The best' and 'the best you've ever had' are two different things. They can be very different. This is clearly sophistry of the most appalling kind.
[R. Kelly:]
On the roof (baby), balcony (baby), we don't care (baby) who sees
Girl, I'mma put you down (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down, down, down (PYD PYD PYD)
So R has now joined in and he's already going for more outlandish places to put her down. Also, R, if you are trying to suggest a spontaneity born of passion, perhaps you should suggest places that you are likely to frequent, and don't take careful balance and ten minutes of parkour.
After the club, in the parking lot
I don't care anywhere you could pick the spot, whatever
I'mma put you down, yeah (PYD PYD PYD)
All the way down, yeah (PYD PYD PYD)
Like a parking lot. I guess you would frequent a parking lot, that most romantic of places.
At this point, however, R drops this whole conceit that Justin has spent his whole verse building up with an 'I don't care, whatever'. R is done naming places he could put her down. He's done three. That's more than enough.
'Cause I've been doing forensics
On your body in this club
I can tell the way you walk
Your body ain't been touched the right way
There have already been some oddly sterile words and phrases thrown into this song ('automobile', 'form of appreciation'), but 'forensics' tops them all. As an added bonus, it's also vaguely threatening. It is difficult to hear the word 'forensics' and not think of autopsies and UV blood tracking.
Anyway, R can tell from the way she walks that she hasn't orgasmed in months.
It seems your man been treating you like a step child
I don't know what R is trying to say here, but none of the interpretations are good. The least offensive one I can garner from this line is that her man isn't having sex with her, but even this suggests that 'lack of sex' is the defining condition of the step child-step parent relationship. Maybe instead he thinks that stepchildren are subhuman, and treating a real human like a stepchild is monstrous. The worst possible interpretations are, well, they're pretty bad.
Sub him out, sub me in
And I'm a get on the floor
And shut the whole game down
R then drops from his previous bombshell to a metaphor about basketball. Adulterous basketball.
Until I hear you cheering, babe
Have you spelling out my name, babe
Spelling out your name? I can see he's trying to link her impassioned cries to his extended basketball metaphor via cheerleaders, but the unfortunate outcome is that he has her orgasming like a Sesame Street character.
See, I wanna give my love
Be your dope man in the bedroom
You can make me your drug, babe
Even R cannot screw up a 'love is a drug' metaphor.
[Chorus: R. Kelly]
And it don't make no sense to be that bad
Oh no, baby (PYD PYD PYD),
I'm gonna put you down
Gonna show you how much I love you
Form of appreciation, yeah no ooh
(PYD PYD PYD, PYD PYD PYD)
etc etc.
The end is just a mishmash of repeated lyrics. Overall, the lyrics suggest that they truly believe 'put you down' is a good euphemism for sexy times. There is no evidence of intentional double meanings, or acknowledgement that it might mean something else. But, to reiterate, I cannot believe this song was made without anyone spotting that issue. The only possible conclusion is that they knew, and they didn't care. They just didn't care.
Well, I care, R and Justin. I will always care.
In fairness, all it would require for her to be spelling his name would be for her to be moaning "aaaaaah~". Assuming she had a non-rhotic accent.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, she could be a pirate.
That is a good point. Maybe I underestimated Mr Kelly on this.
Delete