It's Katie White, okay? That is her name. If that is why you came here, or if you're expecting tired, insipid jokes about not knowing the name of The Tings Tings singer, you can leave now. This is Lyrics Overanalysed, not Lyrics Turned Into Obvious, Boring Jokes. Capiche?
Instead we will be delving deep into the lyrical content of this 2008 indie classic, recognised by the many and beloved by the few. Just why was Kerry so worried about people getting her name wrong? Was I paid off a pathetically meagre amount to write this? Were The Tings Tings a much better version of The White Stripes? (Clue: Two of the answers to these are 'yes')
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| Reasons to avoid Chris Moyles #314 |
Four letter word just to get me along
It's a difficulty and I'm biting on my tongue
And I, I keep stalling, keeping me together
People around gotta find something to say now
So straight off the bat we learn that Kelsey has a terrible potty mouth, and it takes everything she has to avoid letting off a string of expletives at every possible interval. She deals with this by allowing herself one 'four letter word' every now and then. Unfortunately, the result of her implacable need to say toilet words is that she spends large amounts of time saying nothing at all, leaving others to carry the burden of continuing conversations while she quietly mutters 'poot' and 'darn'.
Holding back, everyday the same
Don't wanna be a loner
Listen to me, oh no
I never say anything at all
But with nothing to consider they forget my name (ame, ame, ame)
Her problem is so profound, her profanity-laden almost-silence so complete, that people phase her out of their mindspace, forgetting her name in the process. At least, that is what she claims as she sings about it very loudly and clearly in a number one selling single. She even manages to not swear for over three and a half minutes, although admittedly that might be due to careful studio editing. My suspicions are raised.
They call me 'Bell'
They call me 'Stacey'
They call me 'her'
They call me 'Jane'
Apparently, these people that forget her name, they are the sort of people that blithely call her any goddamn name they feel like. I can maybe forgive 'Stacey', and I guess 'her' is what you would use to refer to her, but Jane is not even close, and Bell is not even a name (I am aware that she might be saying 'Hel' here, but that is even more confusing - I am certain I would remember if someone was named after a Norse deity of death). Her claims are becoming more outlandish.
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
They call me 'quiet girl'
But I'm a riot
Mary, Jo, Lisa
Always the same
And again, 'quiet girl' is how someone might refer to her, even if she thinks her curse-babbling is a 'riot', but Mary, Jo and Lisa are just random names. It might even be that people are calling her Mary-Jo Lisa, which is just madness. What sort of person, on forgetting someone's name, guesses with Mary-Jo Lisa? A fake person, that is who.
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
That's not my name
No, it isn't. Not at all.
I miss the catch if they throw me the ball
I'm the last chick standing up against the wall
Katie's woes deepen as she recalls PE lessons at school. This successful, platinum-selling, indie pop sensation tells us she was a bit shit at rounders, and therefore people have forgotten who she is.
Keep falling, these heels they keep me boring
Apparently, she insisted on wearing heels when playing rounders. I imagine that would make you a either a sitting-around-doing-nothing type rounders player, or an extremely jazzy show-off of a rounders player. Either way, you would be a boring rounders player, because rounders.
Actually, if she keeps falling, then she must be trying to play normally and ending up as some slapstick routine that children might find amusing for a couple of minutes. The heels probably negate some of the rounders boredom, and here she is berating them. Monstrous.
Getting glamped up and sitting on the fence now
Okay, after repeated listening, I can confirm that she definitely says 'glamped' here, meaning she has dressed with Genghis Khan's yurt (the most glamorous of all tents) as her aspiration. So she is wearing her best cone-topped cylinder of fur, and presumably she cannot decide whether she wants to go out or not? I mean, the implication is that no one calls her to come out, so maybe she is undecided about whether she wants to go out alone? Maybe she is literally sitting on a fence? I guess that is where you would sit if you couldn't decide if you wanted to leave the house. It's probably quite difficult in a yurt costume though.
So alone all the time at night
Lock myself away
Listen to me, ah nah
Although I'm dressed up, out and all
With everything considered they forget my name (ame, ame, ame)
Here Katie tells us that she is all alone every night, dressed up and ready, but locking herself away, trapped in lonely indecision. The fact that she has sung these exact lyrics a hundred times to thousands of fans who paid money to listen to her say this is of course entirely irrelevant.
Chorus
Are you calling me darling?
Are you calling me bird?
Are you calling me darling?
Are you calling me bird?
These are more believable enforced pseudonyms than 'Bell' or 'Mary-Jo Lisa', and lend the song some too-little-too-late credibility. A more accomplished liar has clearly used this as inspiration for their cover of this song.
Chorus
All alone all the time at night but I'm awake
All dressed up but there's no limousine in my name
Here is a picture of The Ting Tings on the red carpet:
Now, I'm not calling Katie a liar, but I am saying that she pretty much definitely took a limo to get to that red carpet, and she is therefore lying, much like a liar would. She is also definitely not alone.
At the same time as those last words from Katie, Other Ting Ting is quietly mumbling something in the background. Apparently he is saying:
This song was in my head, now it's in my mind,
Call it, reach it, get some words and get some timing,
Though I realize, I cannot emphasize,
I'll stick around, but just a promise, nothing binding,
However can't you see, that you're so desperately,
A standing joker like a vocal one-liner,
Instead of sing-along, this song is monotone,
I gotta get some soul, gotta get some feeling....
Which sounds a lot like the reviews this song got from terrible internet people that think they know about music. Maybe Other Ting Ting reviews songs as a terrible internet person. There are other, more important facts about him that I feel I should mention though:
- I barely remembered he was there.
- I wasn't even sure he was saying anything.
- I do not know his name.
